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what are the benefits of saving my life for someone anyway?

everyone happens, happens..who else could be concerned more like a mother at birth so that I could lead my life well? Even mother hopes for some return of worth.

My parents are fanatic and in a large part responsible for my spine less condition, they trap me, still they have given up to what and how my life needs support to make me comfortably able, and left me to ignored lonely purposeless house being, like a house dog.

Who an other in this world could be or should be willing rescue me taking the courage to snatch me from my fanatic parents and evil psychiatric records, that label me mentally disabled, and to suck out poison from the mouth of a venom rottened cobra like me? Am I really worth it? Everyone dies..what worth even is my living my life..I wish I could live it fullest..I wish I could swim with the fishes I can dream.
same day

2 years ago
illiterate people here perhaps think that European people for chatting on the internet are roaming spirits who are trapped in the local internet and phone exchange...and when there is no internet means that the ghosts break away from the entrapment, and that they are slave spirits of dead people to chat and mingle with online, and that the photos and personal matter we upload of ourselves on internet contain a part of our soul, negative or positive and that those can be tamed and used as slave post our that way internet might be actually a huge occult net, and roaming about in ether...roaming, flying spirits, summoned at call, and perhaps its a sophisticated seeming gadget harnessed spirit enchanted occult, harnessed to common people on a no one knows where and how internet servers function and where they are that way you are also a spirit, and a slave to the internet ministry and are fed by feed from living soul end user operators like me :D

Or because local Indians consider European chat buddy women as spirits or sorcerors's assortments.
My friend from Bombay college insisted me an idea that; artists in art industry are treated as labour

It induced a thought trail in my mind:-

A young man mad in love of a young girl...The young girl is taken away from him, or maybe she was a dead girl..and the artist or labourer young man keeps on getting mad in her love and seeking her under ground...he keeps on digging and digging in his sole love..he never can realise that the girl is gone forever, that she is dead..

Some or the other kids and appreciators of his work come near the hole he has dug, they sing a loo and motivate him, speak to him, caress him, but all just temporary....people come and go, digger keeps on digging...he is chasing his hope..almost forver...the deeper he digs the closer to burning memories and the burn of cheating he finds....but someday he will make an earth diagonal tunnel or he will give up...

If he gives up, he is pulled out with a rope and he is entitled back his earth life again...

If he makes the wonder of the inter core tunnel...well he has then won everything...
Its was a rather cold winter day all day today..and now its a very cold night, a little late past dinner time. I dosed off to sleep in the evening, in-locking the door to this room behind me. It was a rather unproductive day, I did not exercise properly today, wasted all the time and did not so glorious things.

I just woke up, and before waking up I was watching a dream, that I write down now.

I had won some kind of monetary reward in some kind of rural lottery, I came to knew of it in a posted printed letter postage or shop outlet rather. It was ages ago, maybe in some past age of the 1980s, time when I lived as a child, but I was an adult other man in the dream, And I had to go to rurally built sub-urban Bangalore to collect my monetary reward. It was winter days, and my place, and also Bangalore were supposed to be cold.

I took a train to near Bangalore in the was dark and the train took me through mountains and mountainous forests, valleys, natural life and winter beauty of a natural Karnataka form heaven, the train travelled in the dark misty nights and dawn.

I was in Bangalore, It was a dark evening, I was walking in a semi-urban Indian market. The small candescent lights were lit outside dingy shops, vegetable shops, fish shops, fruit shops etc, it was not very crowded, it was a rare time of population, it was watery wintery, foggy and was very cold. I walked up to a kind of dock kind of arena, where many men were standing in an organised crowd, before a man allotting out the lottery wins, he was sitting on a raised platform, sitting on a wooden table and chair, small and large boats and dock containers were all about the place, it was very misty and cold. The man was giving out the smaller prizes in money chronologically by tallying every winners number in the chart on his paper register and calling their name and giving out their cash money. All the smaller prizes were given out.

I used to be in a state of constant ignoring of life, I just by chance happened to be there, it would not have been a surprise if I had missed out being there even, I was not much concerned of my prize win. I just could do with some handy money.

Mine was the first prize, the biggest win...finally the tallier called my name, and called me to the stage...people were eager of my name being tallied and to see me recieve my biggest cash, everyone there might have been eager to know how I spend my cash, whether I throw them a party, everyone hopes some wonder in a winnner.

The manager tallied my name to perfection from my card slip roll number and the number on his register. He handed me out a tied bag full of coins, it was counted and a net of 8445 Rupees, it must have been a huge sum in that ancient times. I was a bit startled by my cash win.

I rode down the platform and was looking for some conveyance to reach back to city and carry on leaving Bangalore in the coming days.

When I rode down the platform to the crowd and was cutting away from the crowd to the exit gate, I met a young native guy, he wore a white polyester plain old shirt, and grey plain trousers, common semi-urban wear of those times..he was happy about my win and greeted me and was very friendly. I somehow formed a company with him, and did not mind if we had a cup of tea or coffee together in the outside dingy tea stall, I walked out of the dock barn with him, he introduced himself as Charan Kumar, he was the same reference of Charan Kumar as has been on deviant art.

After our coffee. I took a stroll with him in the cold winter night in the misty market to the nearest poorly built small conveyance depot. Charan kumar expected some monetary help from me, or was needy, he told me about his struggle for a regular job soon, about his middle class family, his ailing father and his poor family and sisters who needed marriage, and about his inexplicabe illness of what he needed money to get cured to lead and struggle for a normal life. I made my mind to somehow be of his benefit.

We reached the conveyance depot nearby. All the dingy cabs or tempo were already gone, we were suggested by a bystander or incharge there to walk to the road into the jungle and we might very well find a conveyance from the depot by the forest turns or just standing or getting a repairing or just wandering out.

We walked into the jungle entrances, it was poorly light by dingy candescent street lamps in some places, we had torches with us, most of the paths were very dark. We were walking all the night hours.

We walked and walked and talked in the dark forest, it was very late at night, it was almost morning. We found a passing dingy tempo, the tempo haulted at our call, and the young tempo lad carried us in his conveyance. We were already walking a little off the tracks, and he took us through the night through the right paths, and semi urban settlements and he reached into a denser stretch of the was all dark, and it was then morning 5 AM...The tempo lad felt a natural call and took excuse from us to take a shit at the clearing besides the turn, just near the standing tempo with me waiting.

The tempo lad rode down the tempo vehicle and just sat down sqatting on the misty ground, pulling his pants down nearby the tempo standing besides the forest road turn. When Charan Kumar saw him, he also wanted to relax himself of his shit load, he sat down with the man, and the more I was trying to resist looking at their direction, I saw the taxi man had already oozed out a quantity of brown, muddy porridge. I looked away.

It was almost dawn.

And as I woke up from my sleep in this real cold winter night now, wondering what to do with the night..its almost 11 PM now, I went to the kitchen, and my mother has cooked some good "Alu Parathe" or potato stuffing dough pan cakes...or call them whatever...and my sister was making "Besan Laddoos" or "grams dough sweet cakes" and its batter looked exactly like the taxi man's shit, in colour and consistency, how did the dream predicted it is a wonder. I am going to eat that food now. And its a silent winter night now, and many mosquitos are flying about and I am getting their sting in an attempt to avoid them, and afar in much distance, maybe a kilometer afar some live rural music and drums and jingles are playing over an amplifier, that I can faintly must be some marriage or some winter celebration!!
so I uploaded the junk I had written back in 2011, mostly to myself.


Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
Current Residence: Bhilai
deviantWEAR sizing preference: Medium-Large
Favourite genre of music: I like all.
Favourite style of art: Anything
Operating System: Windows 7
MP3 player of choice: Winamp
Personal Quote: time goes on..

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Journal History


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PlaviDemon Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for fave and Watch me for more arts :)
Thesan13 Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2014
Hi! Thanks a lot for the fav! Heart 

If you like to see more photos this is my fb page:…

Have a nice day -^__^-
FROG-and-TOAD Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2014
Thanks for the watch and the Llama too :)
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Thank you so much for faving our Work. It means a lot to us :) (Smile)

If you like what you see please feel free to watch our page or browse through our gallery:…

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AnnaRoma Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2014  New member Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the favorite! 
DreamyNaria Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the fav!! Did you see my gallery? :)
Vayneik Featured By Owner Edited Oct 28, 2014
Thanks for the favs. :D
Jotunmai Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much for the :+fav:!!! :iconletmehugyouplz: :love:
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Thank you so much for the fav! :D
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Thanks so much for faving -
that means so much for me!
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My newest painting unfinished step2 by ingeline-art
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Hi! Thanks a lot for faving my Cheria cosplay, I really appreciate it -^__^-

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that is okay ma'am :)
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