Life Needneed life
my parents wont do anything for my career..my life has become stagnant..i am just eating and spending endless hours on computer without any real happening..i am ignored..
body pains because of endless hours sitting on this death chair..they not allow me to persue life on my own even..all ways hampering me from finding life..
no one wants to allow me life..internet friends from Europe just abuse me, not helping me really..anyway what help. My family ignores me...I am at a stage of life where I have potential in arts that needs environment and chance..
life has ditched me
any way my parents wont let me find life
i dont have enough aggression or force to punish them and avenge physically..
Fool MeThis is just my posthumous decipher..
Petra is a European girl..
her primary habit during the period of her boundless sphinstry was to ride about guys, earn through them and be a writer..she is a complex woman with complex men being drawn to her..complex people need not mean they are good..they are vampires of the night..the most intense sexuals and the most confiscated.
She was just testing my innocence in our totally online text friendship..for about 1.6 years..meanwhile in her real life, she must have wandered about and slept a lot..she never saw a potential instant prospect in me, nor liked the idea that I was not much use to her..she induced in me a persuit to chase her..that is still driving me mad, and that has destroyed my being in my real life..my family is selfish in whatever they are, still they are my parents and allow me a life at their home till it lasts..but prior 3 years ago I had many scopes to make my life away from my home, and my parents also invested, all what was
Sleep Tonictobacco and lime only makes me irritable, bad mouthed and mentally restless..panting with breath...when 18 years ago I used to take it, on high dose I would vomit out all dinner..still took it for the frustration, teenage rebellion, and the dejaview kick of excess tobacco nicotine..perhaps lime was also intoxicating...
over last 7 years since year 2008, with frustration and tensions my dosage increased drastically leading two loss of two chewing teeth, excess ruined mouth and too envigourated mind...it kind of tires me to lump down asleep with the "kick fatigue"...I take it as a poison to induce myself the fatigue that I need with exercise and busy life ending with an evening of sex and love...its a replacement of my personal needs...here alex I have described all to you..
tobacco vigouration is what has made me think endless, nonstop and write all this shit on deviant art..it has become a habit..like a bitter toffee...I am always having it..it at beginning of a dose only makes me aler
Selfish Entropymy father has some defective theory of entropy in his mind..so he doesn't spend his attention on me..he spends his attention of rather "productive matters"..
he wants to debate the power of creation with the theory of energy dissipation..entropy as he read sublimes the power of creative choice with the random process of energy dissipation or transfer..perhaps..he doesnt tell his mental pervertions to anyone, but is very obstinate to persue them with adamant..he says "not waste energy on you"..he thinks I am a black hole, or something that attracts and thrives on energy..so not pay me attention is the best way for him to save his energy, not caring for my human need..he sees life as physical process, he in every way of his confused theories wants to prove western people responsible for all chaos in the world, and he wants to blame me as a western bastard..
He is a liar "Read theory juxtaposer"..he fits anything anywhere to form his right...he can even justify murder, rape, terrorism, he
Brave Art"hey you did a good job...you brought petra back to talk to me...how was the coffee? was a great time spent...now go back home, let me show petra around into my large art gallery...I promise she will be back to Europe tomorrow, intact..i never saw her sexual content more than the friendship..so have a good time, take this pack of india brand tobacco...good for blank times..."..what a joke...you never understood me...none of your European minds can decipher my heart...never...you can hunt me, punish me...you can praise me...appreciate me...BUT nor you NOR PETRA can ever never decipher and solve me......you are inefficient to understand Aryan....
Independent LifeI am not supported motivation for work and independence..
subliminal commands, word references everywhere..a man, tobacco shop owner taunted about goose berries..to refer testicles..its a tough taunt subliminally influencing physio-chemical being after using testicles..
Like Mesome people like me are born so..I cant achieve anything myself or find happiness, and my life is also a trouble for those connected to me in any form..upon that parents always perhaps did not do everything right..
Well Livedof all miracles in the miraculous fate of having a satisfying and well enjoyed life..
i havent been so lucky