New Text DocumentDD said:-
I don't belive that anyone is born with a purpose, but I do believe that we can give ourselves our own purposes to live. Some live for another person, to indulge, to explore, and some simply to live. It can be anything, but it's up to you what you want your purpose to be. If you want it to be love then your purpose could then be to obtain it and once you've done that your purpose may be to live for that person. As for finding love, I've heard many different ideas. Some say you have to let love find you and some say you have to love yourself first and others say patience is key. Whichever way, again, it's mostly up to you how things come into your life. Whatever happens, I think you'll come into love sometime in your life, I'm just not sure when or how.
I'm not much for social interactions either besides with friends and family that I am already particularly close to. I have maybe 4 genuinely close friends, but I don't even talk to them about everything. I also live with my mo
New Text Document (2)I write one thought that I have heard in the form of a Bengali poem from my grand mother(mothers mother who has always stayed with us):-
"Kaal shagore maatir maanush aashae baandhe maatir ghor."
It means that in the sea of time, humans made of sand make sand castles with expectation/hope.
It is very emotional and philosophical, no one can ever find the extremes of our existence or purpose...but into this world we make homes/dreams of expectations, some remain some collapse.
The pretty girl in my computer class is married, her husband lives and works in saudi arabia. I was dreaming of her, she also studied in my school and passed out as an architect in 2009..alas!
My problems remain the same..my inability to interact socially is grave...I cannot do creative talk with people. Today I sat in computer class from 10 am to 1pm but did not communicate one word either with sir or with students. When I went to college my problem was same, i could not interact at all creatively, could not take f
New Text Document (3)After long discussion with father over my problem and disability in communicating and thought blocking in social situations..I said to my father that i dont know if I can ever have a normal life or interact normally and find love and happiness, but my problem has made me realise few things "life is a gamble, we are helpless at the hand of destiny, someone would have been in my place and I would not have cared, I would have been too busy, but I am in this place, like the gamble ball has been placed in my house" secondly "ones own pleasure or pain are his/her very own" and "all we can do is live the moment, and we will" "whatever is happening had to happen"...my father said you have realised the truth of life at a very young age, he said he did not realise it in my age.
I also talked about how precious time, day by day, month by month is passing away from my hands..money can be earned and lost, not time.
Lateron mother was reading some quatations from newspaper:-
1) work saves us f
New Text DocumentThe pretty girl Vibha in flex is married, her husband lives and works in saudi arabia. I was dreaming of her, she also studied in sss-x and passed out as an architect in 2009..alas!
My problems remain the same..my inability to interact socially is grave...I cannot do creative talk with people. Today I sat in flex from 10 am to 1pm but did not communicate one word either with sir or with students. When I went to wlc my problem was same, i could not interact at all creatively, could not take fun and specially hindered in talking to girls. I cannot lead a life like this...I wish I never existed but I dont know what all I will have to face!
New Text DocumentHappy Sunday!!
I do desire a good life, I dream live a life with dignity and purpose...I maybe intelligent as you say, I do know that I am not a mindless/soulless dumbo that just lives for the sake of living, I know...but I do not earn or keep myself tidy, I lack all energy and motivation...In my mind I think the possible things that I would have done if I were normal..in college I liked a girl also, for the first time in life I dreamt about having a future, I exercised two times a day and had a terrible pysique, I went to college and worked at home, but then these strange problems arised, I thought that evryone in my collgege was plotting against me, or that they were going to give me a great surprise in the form of love from that girl...the problems started with that and I could not sleep for few days and the problems became grave, my paranoia took many shapes...I had problems earlier also, not paranoia, but I had many setbacks in education since I was an adoloscent, also massive tob
New Text DocumentToday my mothers board exams duty started, she is the center head.
My life was scheduled when I was in school, we used to patiently wait for each period...period 1,2,3,4 then recess and then periods 5,6,7...all through 5 hours. The loss of routine and proper engagement throughout the day has done all the harm to me in the last 13 years. I dont know if I could ever again catch the train and get my life on track. I think my parents never forced me into proper time-managament...they let me idle and wander and get bad habits. I also didnt listen to them all that much when I was a teenager, but that was because they didint force me into routine when I was a child. The role of my parents in spoiling me cannot be ignored. I think they were afraid of me, so they never forced me..and that was the worst mistake on their part..there was no reason to be afraid of me, I was just spoilt and a child, they should have forcefully subjected me to proper schedule and rule...I would have earned gems for t
New Text DocumentToday it was shivaratri, so i recited maha-mrityumjaya mantra 108 times and we went to the temple and bathed the shiva-linga with sugarcane juice, milk and water and offered dhatura. However all day passed in obsessively quarelling with my father..my mother didnt give me food.
I wonder I am suffering due to some strange problem...there may be an answer to why I am suffering somehwhere in the universe, but it has not been discovered. I trust my feeling..when I feel I can make something in 3dsmax, I am succesful in creating something..but with my problem I have never got the feeling that I can overcome and become normal. I think these kind of problems that do not have a sure diagnosis and tratment make great suffering..and the subject suffers in full conciousness. There were lot of people in NIMHANS where I went 10 years ago whose probles just would not be solved. What is the point of all teh suffering. Euthnasia seems right in these cases, but who has the right to decide over life and d
Do I see herFew days ago, one evening I was very tired, the window to this room, that the computer is besides was closed. I felt a strong fragance of garden night flowers, blooming. And a white shadow, by the window, as if some old witch was picking flowers.
Another evening I went to the toilet, and as I approached the window, I clearly saw a flying white witch, with long white hair, and a whit gown, speed flash by the window, making a sound "ki ki ki ki ki"...I was for days wondering was it a witch or a white crane flying by...I havent quite heard that bird noise, like that.
Right some time ago, before I begand writing this...I again heard a ki ki ki ki by the room's wondow...speed by and elope....its strange..but I must focus only on digital art, as my career.